Which Greenleafer are you?
1. You come to sign that says there is a fork in the road. What do you do?
a. Start wandering around aimlessly until someone makes you mad.
b. Call your mother for the best shortcut and then ask her what stores have sales that week.
c. Stomp through the fork and make your own path.
d. Radio ahead and get directions
e. See the word fork and immediately pull out Little Debbies from your back pocket
f. Organize a search grid on the back of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition.
2. Which day do you visit The Store to eat dinner?
a. Not Wednesday mystery meat night because you don’t know when possum or squirrel would be the meat.
b. Nothing on the weekends because you’re too busy attending UGA games or out on a date.
c. Sunday night because you’re too hungry to cook after your trip to the casinos.
d. Any night except when the single wait staff works
e. Anytime is dinner!
f. Not a set time because your spouse cooks better than any restaurant.
3. What do you do for fun?
a. Visit Dupont’s grocery store to watch shoplifters get arrested.
b. Duh, hang with your best friend or the newest cute guy.
c. Slot machines, five card stud, blackjack, roulette, craps...you get the picture.
d. Make Blåbärspalt or Fläskpannkaka for your girlfriend. Then explain that that is Swedish food not some exotic new dance or European disease.
e. Trying to get featured in the National Enquirer
f. Thinking up new ways to make your next door neighbor mad.
4. What punishment is the worst in your eyes?
a. Living with five Australian Shepherds
b. Unable to access quality cosmetics
d. Hauling your boss around the state because the boss’ license was suspended.
e. Attending a Weight Watchers meeting
f. Having your child date someone who doesn’t live up to your expectations (i.e. Nobel Prize winner, the doctor who cures cancer, etc)
5. What’s your dream car?
a. Dodge Challenger
b. VW Beetle
c. Ford F-150 suitable for hauling chickens, pigs and moonshine
d. Any car that doesn’t have your boss in it.
e. Any car and owner who is willing to take you places, preferably to a restaurant or buffet.
f. American model only except for your daughter who wanted a foreign car and has you wrapped around her finger.
6. What is your spirit animal?
7. What mythical animal are you?
a. A clumsy Leprechaun
b. A beautiful Mermaid
c. A smoking Yeti
d. A tall Elf
e. A starving Hippograff
f. A stern Phoenix
8. What makes you mad?
a. People who insult Texas
b. Stores that run out of sale items
e. Restaurants that are not open 24 hours
f. Unpatriotic people
9. If you had one wish, what would it be?
a. People would understand that true barbecue means dry rub, not sauce
b. Unlimited and unfettered access to the mall
c. A winning streak
d. Spending the day with his girlfriend
e. Buffet, buffet, buffet
f. The Swimsuit edition be published more than once a year.
10. Your ideal vacation would be…
a. Texas or the beach
b. New York City or Paris or London or anyplace you won’t encounter Lottie McCall
c. Vegas or Atlantic City
d. Hiking the Appalachian trail with a beloved dog
e. A bus tour of the best food joints in the US
f. Washington DC because the government needs your kind of help.
If you answered…
Mostly A’s: You are Sabine. You are snarky, opinionated and a bit insufferable but you always try to do the right thing. You also believe that your dog is smarter than you are.
Mostly B’s: You are Mia. You value the good things--shopping, quality clothing and an obsessive love of the Georgia Bulldogs. You also can hold grudges that may last into the afterlife.
Mostly C’s: You are Edweener Bumpus. What you see is what you get. You don’t care how much money your friends have and you hide a compassionate heart. You also have definite opinions about snobs and the proper way to make...uhm...adult refreshments.
Mostly D’s: You are Newt. You like rules and dislike change. You’re proud of where you come from but tend to beat yourself up when you feel trapped. You can pronounce Swedish words without spitting in your listener’s face.
Mostly E’s: You are Sheriff Ostermeyer or “Call me Ostie”. You like food--or rather you adore food. You have a long memory but will lose yourself in past rather than face the present. You also have a secret desire to be on The Jerry Springer Show.
Mostly F’s: You are Micah Wallis. You are reserved and authoritative and am not shy about it. You don’t understand why your neighbor is a nosy, snotty know it all with an invasive poodle.