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  • Christy Breedlove

Rude People part ii

Because my lovely daughter commented that I am, in fact, sort of rude, I have decided to out myself.


But before anyone draws horns on my head, I don't turn into an angry honey badger unless provoked. Anyone would agree the following are rage inducing situations:

1. Walmart. You have shopped until you are tired. You get in line behind five people with fuller buggies than yours and there are only two lines open. But the fun doesn't stop there. "Can I see your receipt?" Greeter guy ready to do a body cavity search the minute you say nope. Let's all agree to say no during this season.


2. Your kids. My daughter self-diagnosed herself as PTSD after I asked her to move her book bag from the living room. My son routinely deliberately puts his Pop Tart wrappers in my husband's coffee mug because Dave had the audacity to suggest throwing the wrappers in the garbage. I'm adding my pets because Zeus the Incredible Shepherd/Hound/Goat Mutt routinely eats furniture, back doors, windows, screens, outside siding and more. I'm waiting for an opportune moment to tell my children that they (but not the dog 'cause that Zeus is crazy on his own) carry the genetic material to be honey badger rude.


3. Telemarketers and Survey People. Look, if you don't appreciate my creative four letter responses to "How do you feel about the federal government?", don't call. If you don't believe that I identify with as Nug, a Homo Ergaster subspecies of humans, take me off your list. If you don't like the fact that I totally made up a new persona named Sister Christy Scolastica of the Holy Ebay Shopping Sect, I got news for you--my answers will get weirder and weirder until you give up.


So, to the few people who actually read my stuff and identify as a honey badger, I am rude but only when the Honey Badger Christy personality is activated.

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